i think.. something is trying to tell me something.

right now.

today.

forgiving.

is not hear for me.

I'm a shield.

i shield people.

and when a question comes to me.

i ignore and shield them off.

but this one.

this love.

is special.

but I'm afraid i ruined every chance that..

this love had.

i feel like i just threw it down the toilet.

but.

someday.

it'll come back.

I'm hearing.. drums. pounding in my head.

saying.

: let go! Let GO! LET Go!

what does this mean?

I'm having..

scary dreams.

of.. me.

on a cliff with daylight.. doves circling around me.

then i look back.

and. the dove says: fly free.

i smile.

and then ... rocks start to break under my feet.

and I'm falling I'm falling I'm dropping.

and. there is darkness.

at the end of the cliff.

screeching..

and evil noises..

how am i supposed to get back up?

then.

a hand.. a white hand...

reaches out from where the light is..

and says: be not afraid.. I'm here now.

weird..

but. i think.

something is trying to say something.